In 2003 my life was changed forever when I came face to face with my Twin Flame – the masculine aspect of Me. I almost lost consciousness when I stood before Him while we were being introduced. The energetic surge that went through me was so intense and I could barely look into His eyes. I had to step away.
At the time we knew nothing of Twin Flames. It would not be until 6 years later, and after we had moved into separation, that I would see the words Twin Flame and get my first glimpse of information describing what I experienced in that first moment our souls viewed and recognized one another. It was a deep recognition, far beyond what we had ever experienced with any other person we had encountered on our life’s journey. It was literally magnetic.
This energy surge when Twins encounter one another in their physical bodies is typical, though for some this energetic connection is buffered to some degree and they experience it in smaller increments. It’s all guided by the higher selves of each, which then share a common Christed higher self. It is Kundalini energy, and more. It is zero point energy, that combustion point where heaven meets earth, and it changes you forever.
As is typical for Twins, I began to experience odd things in my life before we met. I began to feel Him, His energy, His presence, months before I saw Him in body, though I did not know what this meant. I could not explain it. At the time I was married but this mystery energy was not my husband’s energy. On one occasion about a year before we met I dreamt of Him. In the dream I Knew Him, even though his face was hidden from me and I had no idea who He was. I could not put any of this into context until I stood before Him the day life brought us together and we were introduced. Here was the man who’s energy had been visiting me.. the man who I felt like I’d known Forever and who felt like Home.
When our lives merged months later we experienced complete and utter Bliss – unlike anything I have ever known. What a Gift. He was the One I somehow Knew existed but had not found, without even knowing this on a conscious level, until He appeared before me. I will never forget that day. In that instant I loved Him more than my children.
After some time passed we began to experienced the classic push – pull that happens with Twins as they attempt to navigate the intense energy that is present when their lives attempt to merge, and as they begin to mirror the wounding they’ve incurred during childhood. His childhood was as abusive as mine, if not more. We had so much to heal from being raised in narcissist templates. Narcissism induces a lot of trauma on the tender spirits of children – most of which are Empaths, and highly sensitive. It takes time to undo what has been done.
The energy (frequency) Twins emit when they are together is massive. On the Richter scale – the scale that measures earthquakes – everything with Twins measures a 10. The big moments and the little ones. The love and tenderness, the friendship and the passion. The anger and frustration when the fear begins to arise that you will lose one another is also a 10. And then there is the level 10 sorrow when we part. We have to part.. because we need to heal separately before we can unite fully. The energy is too intense to manage for un-healed Twins.. so it is said, and was experienced by us.
We attempted again and again to fit our love into normal relationship parameters, but nothing about us was normal. It felt as if the enormity of the love we felt was too big for our human bodies, and intellect, and even too big for our hearts.
Our families, who were also unaware, did not understand any more than we did what this epic love was. My family repeatedly used the R word, because I was newly divorced, and they said it was too soon to love again. But we both experienced pressure from our families to extricate our selves from one another.
As Twins do when the intensity becomes unbearable one or the other ‘runs’. Completely quits and leaves. First it was me. I ran in the only way I felt would put an end to the chaos. Then I came back, I had to. But his heart was broken, and he ran far far away from me – farther than I could reach.
For many years we did not have any communication. It was the dark night of my soul years, I am certain it was for Him too. Much of the time I did not know how I would continue to breathe from one moment to the next. I mourned the loss of Him as though He had died. Sometimes I felt it would have been easier if He would have actually died, than to know He chose with His free will to be away from me. I still find it unbelievable that I actually lived through that period of my life.
Over the years I have had many dreams of Him. Many were very sad for me and made me re-visit the dark night of my soul again. I could see Him in his dark night of the soul, too. On several occasions though, I was given a reprieve and experienced what felt like not dreaming at all, very lucid and real connections with Him.
Once we were taken to where we were alone lying on a warm beautiful beach. An enormous White bridge arched high above us. Extending from somewhere inland it stretched out into the sea disappearing into the horizon of the ocean. As we lay there chest to chest I could feel our hearts beating as One. I knew this to be true, that at rest, twin’s heart sparks synchronize. The White bridge, meaning that we are never separate no matter how far apart we perceive with our eyes.
Recently, I had another. I was flying high above the Earth with my spirit guides. I came upon a vast desert that felt like the southwest United States. Below me I could see an illumined White train winding its way through endless mounds of Red sand with occasional outcroppings of eroding sandstone. White is always the color my spirit team colours important clues. I lowered my self into the train and there He stood, as if He were waiting for me. Instantly we collided in an embrace. I could not feel the separateness of our bodies. For several moments we stood there in absolute bliss as One. Over and over we repeated the words – I’m never going to leave you – to one another . Some time passed and our bliss was interrupted when a voice from somewhere said – It’s time to go. The last thing He said as the scene evaporated was – Soon.
A few nights ago I had another dream. He handed me a folded hand written letter. It was written in Red pencil on soft White paper that almost felt like cloth, and thick – pages and pages – he had a lot to say. He spoke to me as I unfolded the letter. What he said to me I can not remember. I began to read. As I did it was his voice speaking. I read the first line which He had written in tarot card symbols ( I am a tarot reader and often my dreams come in tarot card symbols ) then I woke up. I knew Exactly what this meant though I anguished for a few moments at not getting to read more than the first line. It was the first written communication I’ve received from him in years and I could feel the importance of this communication.
I questioned spirit as to why I was not able to read the letter past the first line. Soon – was the reply.
Then yesterday I saw Him.
I was visiting a small hardware store in one of the surrounding towns where I live. It has a really cool kitcheny stuff section that has unique and out of the ordinary things you won’t find just anywhere. It seems fitting that I was there for what happened next.
I was standing there looking at teapots and coffee ware when my awareness peaked and an odd sensation came over me. My attention was drawn to my right and there, at the end of the isle, stood my Twin. His back was to me and He was looking down at some items on a table.
It was Him: His body, His height, His color, His head, His hair, His ears, His neck, His shoulders, His legs, His shoes, His stance. Him.
Everything shifted to slow motion. I turned and walked toward him. I could hear and feel my slowmotion heartbeat with every slowmotion step I took. Finally I arrived next to him, our shoulders not more than a foot apart. I turned my head to see his face. He turned to look at me. It was His nose, His mouth, His cheekbones, but the eyes that looked back at me were blue and not His beautiful brown one’s. This man could pass for my Twin’s twin. I smiled at him and he smiled at me. The slowmotion effect stopped and I walked back to the coffee section. I glanced back down the isle to have another look at him standing there. My attention was drawn upward. There above him hung a large Red isle Sign with the number 44, in bold White numbers. Spirit was now speaking to me in White and Red as the dream of the White train streaming through the Red desert carrying the masculine half of my soul to some unknown destination remerged into my awareness.
44 is my Twin’s number, Our number. It was the number that was all around Him and us when we met. It was His age and part of His phone number. Every account number I acquired (utilities, bank, etc.) as I created my new life after my marriage ended contained the number 44. I saw it everywhere I went – on everything.. clocks, license plates, receipts.. everything I saw that held the numerical held the number 44. Seeing repeating number sequences is part of the surreal synchronistic life stream Twins enter when our paths and lives converge. It becomes part of our newly awakened reality in which we live.
Over the course of my life I have become a believer in Signs. The Universe, our guides and angels speak to us constantly from the unseen realms that surround us which teams with life, life we Knew before we lowered our souls into these earthly body suits and the amnesia that results. Not everything is explainable by our 3D limited scientific methods when we exist within untold multi-dimensions.
Sometimes I hear His laughter waft through the air around me traveling all the way from the Moon where He lives. There is a feeling that resonates deep within you when you hear your Twin speak, their sound, their vibration being vocalized. One of my favorite things in the world would be to lounge around with Him while He read to me. We did this often and it accounted for some of the most balmy intimate Richter scale level 10 time we spent together.
Other times the Universe takes a spontaneous snapshot of Him and sends it to me. I will actually see a glimpse of Him, usually in very seemingly ordinary moments and I will share that moment with Him. He is a deep thinker that One..
Spirit is now nudging me once again to attune my self to the Twin path – the dreams, number sequences and other signs of Him have begun again. Even though I am never really off the tf path – it’s impossible to be off it – at times though, I experience doubt, or perceive that He will never return – it’s been so long. It is very common for twins to experience this. For some like me it has been a long journey. Going ‘off’ the path and focusing on our selves is part of our healing, and is an enormous part of learning to love our selves. When we learn to unconditionally Love our selves we have learned unconditional Love for all – we have surpassed the lesson of judgment, for our selves and others – which prepares us for union with our Beloved.
I live a content and Spiritually full life – I am fully on my path. By now I Know to trust Spirit, and my self, to follow the guidance I am being given. I have come to understand, to Know, that there is a Call going out now to Twins at soul level: All hands on deck. I feel this to the core of my Being. Our paradigm shifting Love is needed during these turbulent and transformational times of Ascension on this planet Earth.
Shared with Love. To be continued…