In January of this year – 2017 – another acceleration in my life occurred when I was guided by my spirit team to write out my family template. At that time I was feeling pretty good, overall. I had spent many years doing shadow and inner child healing work and felt clear of the wounding from my abusive childhood. However, I was noticing that I was still attracting the occasional narcissist into my life. Even amongst those who consider them selves spiritual, there was still narcissistic energy in the mix. I asked spirit – Why?
I was given a two part answer.
But before I go further I have to say if you are a twin flame this body of information will be specifically important to you. Twin flames are often born into heavily abusive family templates. Later in life I came to understand and identify this abuse as narcissism. As twin flames we choose these families because we are masters at soul level of transmuting lower energies. Healing this lower energy, individually and collectively, is ascensionary work. It is part of what we came here to do in order to assist the planet and the human collective to move from 3D (fear) to 5D (love). Each time we transmute and transcend the wounding and negative energy patterning incurred from our childhood we are not only doing the necessary healing and clearing work for Sacred Union with our Twin, we also assist our Twin and our entire bloodlines going generations back. You see, time is not linear as we are taught (programmed). *Time* is quantum and everything is happening Now. The Quantum Field is the fabric of energy in which we all are connected and Exist in: The NOW Moment. It is fluid and alive. It fluctuates when we do. When we heal in this now moment we Recode, Return, Recalibrate our frequency, through the Quantum Field: the frequency of our Twin Flame, as well as our ancestral patterning from the frequency of Wounded to the higher level frequency of Healed (Love). We vibrate once again as who we truly are: Love. This creates a ripple effect out through Creation in all directions of time and space. Everything is frequency and everything is connected. This will feel very subtle for our family members to feel the effects – it takes longer for the unconscious to integrate the higher frequency than it does the conscious, but over time you will see and feel a difference in them. Mostly, you will feel the difference in your self, and it is huge. This will also bring about an upgraded frequency in your Twin through the energetic connection you share.
The first of the two part answer is that narcissism is, and has been around for a very long time – ‘ages’ they said. It is deeply embedded throughout the human collective on this planet. The majority of people are running some level of a narcissistic energy template. They are either a narcissist, or like me – they are an empath born into it and therefore the energetic imprint of it is running as active in their energy field.
It is so prevalent in society that few people escape being impacted by it throughout their lives. It is everywhere, in all walks of life, including places you might least expect it such as those who are religious and even with those who consider themselves as spiritual. It is handed down through the generations.
Narcissism is an energetic virus. It is parasitic – it needs a host to survive. When I look at narcissism energetically it looks very much like an octopus. It is black in color with a central body or form, thought it is mutable and changes shape as it needs to. It needs to be fed and does so by producing tentacles that reach out and attach to others in order to leach and drain energy from them. It literally feeds off the energy of others. It is a type of possession – some may call it demonic – and it certainly feels that way because it seeks to dominate and dis-empower you – to feed itself and keep itself alive. This is why it feels so draining to be around a narcissist – why we feel power-less. And, why it is important to become very conscious of them in your life.
Healing the narcissistic template is not an easy undertaking. It must first be recognized and identified for what it is – deep seated subconscious fear due to the disconnect between the mind and the heart. It is conquering energy, very much ‘me, me, me’ energy, and Self over others, oriented. It is a head over heart operating system where they are so firmly anchored in their intellect/mental body they have no empathy or compassion for others – they are literally unable to feel – so there is an absence of self awareness. Without self awareness there is no ability to get the feedback loop via feeling or the sensation of what they are sending out, to check themselves; to feel how their behaviors affect others.
In extreme cases narcissists are not only aware of how they affect others, but they thrive on it, and the suffering they cause; on having that power to affect others in an adverse way. They view themselves as superior – above everyone – and beyond reproach for their behaviors. These kinds of narcissists are usually found in positions of power such as management and in governments. Sadly it is even being revealed in the hierarchies of religion as we are now seeing those who bravely come forth with their accounts of having been sexually abused by their church leaders. This level of narcissism is why the world is in the state it is in with war, extremes in the distribution and accumulation of wealth and power, and many other imbalances.
I am an Empath at soul level who was raised by two parents who were deeply embedded with a narcissistic template, therefore I obtained a narcissistic overlay of energy. It was what felt normal to me as I grew into adulthood and why I would attract narcissists into my life – one after another. The first man I married was a narcissist and very abusive: he was what felt normal to me. But the pattern continued to friends, places of employment filled with narcissism, and so on.
This is common for many people who suffer in their adult lives from the wounding they receive from being raised in narcissism. Empaths are the opposite of narcissists, we feel everything, so narcissism is extremely traumatizing for us. Narcissism is abuse in all forms – mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.
We often absorb and mimic the narcissist behaviors in order to survive amongst them.
( If you would like to understand more about narcissism, and how to identify it, I highly recommend viewing Joanna Kujath’s youtube channel. A wealth of information there. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJb8yyu5ZaGu7sCvjmFm1zA )
The second part of the answer from my spirit team came with a task – I was advised to write out my family template. What the heck is a family template? I asked. I was given the following questions and told to start writing and it would unfold.
While growing up:
- Who was in charge of making the Rules?
- What were the Rules? What did the Rules say? Who did the Rules apply to?
- What happened when the Rules were not followed? What specifically were the consequences/punishments?
- Where did the person making the Rules learn how to make the Rules? Go back as far as you can with those you met, those you know, or knew. Maybe you heard ‘stories’ of family members who you never met, include those too. Most people only know a generation or two above them, so follow your memories as far as they go back.
This will be your family template. For me it turned out to be a very long standing template of narcissism handed down through my bloodlines as far back as I could see on both sides of my family. I could see the descending family members who carried it and passed it on. I could also see family members, who like me were empaths and who were not narcissists, but who carried an energetic imprint from simply being ‘in it’. It is a shadow self, or pain body self, where it quietly remains causing mayhem in our lives by causing us to behave in ways that are not true to our empathic nature. This also creates a pattern of attracting narcissists to us until it is brought into our conscious awareness and cleared.
Even though I had healed my consciousness of my wounding from being in a narcissistic upbringing I had not yet cleared the energy of it from my Being. To clear the energy you must identify it, SEE IT AS NOT YOU, and extricate your self from it by seeing your self as separate from it – IN IT BUT NOT OF IT.
It took me three days to complete this work. The main body happened in the first few hours and it just poured out of me. I began with my mother, who was the Queen of our family. We worked diligently to please her, because not doing so brought punishment. As I wrote, my narcissistic family tree grew. It extended to my dad, in lesser degrees than my queen mother, and grew other branches that included other Kings and Queens above and laterally to my parents. It grew into a big tree.
On day three when it felt complete and as I sat staring at my *family tree* an interesting thing happened. I had what felt like an out-of-body experience. At my deepest and highest levels I heard my self say: This is not me, it was what I was born into.
An energetic separation had occurred in that moment and I felt my very own soul essence for the very first time in this human body.
As I sat there staring at my family tree I could clearly feel my very own energy separate and expand away from that of my family’s. I was able to Energetically, not just mentally, free my self of it.
By seeing my family tree outside of me, I was able to completely disconnect and disentangle my self completely from something that was absolutely and completely Not Me.
In Knew the truth of who I was: Love. I was not a branch in this tree. It was the biology I was born in to. I experienced a whole other level of awakening in this moment of realization.
This explained why I had felt so foreign in my family – a family that was full of Kings and Queens who were abusive in all forms – and who turned a blind eye to a pedophile in the ranks amongst them who wreaked havoc with all the children he could. A family of Kings and Queens who did not nurture their children, but were quick to punish and oppress them. The list goes on.. and I will kindly spare you.
I could see why spirit wanted me to do this work – I was shown literally what JC taught: We are in this world, not of it. We are love – we are conscious and feeling. when we feel we learn, we grow, we expand, we thrive, we evolve. When we are taught fear, we disconnect, we shrink, we suffer.
I was now free of my family template of narcissism.
I probably can not convey in words how healing this was for me, how much better I felt, how free I felt. It also released me from blaming my parents, which was a tremendous relief all in its own. It enabled me to feel empathy for them. I understood that they too, were just on their soul’s journey doing the best that they could. That they too chose a family to be born into that would also challenge their lives by limiting their ability to feel, their ability to love. It is rare to find a family that does not have some level of narcissism, so most souls have no choice but to be born into it – narcissism is the prevalent frequency running the third dimension here on Earth. It’s why souls who are empathic and who have healing abilities are being born here during these times – to break this low vibrational patterning up so it can be transformed and cleared. This is what is and will raise the frequency of the planet.
If you feel guided to do this work, as I did, or in any form you feel guided, be kind with your self as you go. Create a space when you will have some privacy and time to process through it. Take as long as you need until it feels complete. Honor your emotions as they come up and let them have their free expression. This wounding occurred a long time ago. The ever present inner child has been waiting a long time for the adult version of us to be able to feel what presented long ago and to assure them that everything is ok, that we are safe. Let it move through and out of you. As you write and release it you are also releasing it from your energy body. As you go through this process Know that your spirit team is right there with you helping you with it, you will not be alone.
I wrote this out on my computer, but you can do it any way that feels right for you. It could be artistically expressed on paper, or with a drawing board and markers. It doesn’t matter the how, only the do. The bottom line is putting it out in front of you and separating your self from it and seeing it outside of you.
If you have questions, or would like to share about your journey please contact me via email.
Shared with love ♡